Before the continuation

One of the nuisances of going back working in Beijing is that I won't be able to write on or read my travelogues on blogger.com. For some only-god-knows reasons, all access to blogger.com is blocked - well, I certainly am not saying that those who blocked the access are gods. There is of course methods to log on, as some of my friends in Beijing gave comments here, but some complicated process may be expected.

In view of this, I am hesitating if I should continue my travelogue here, or go back to my old msnspace. I prefer the layoff here a lot, and it's much more convenient to add pictures and videos in between text. But would I be frustrated if I know that I am writing something that only few, almost nobody, will read, since they, or we, cannot? Probably yes.

I am never an avid blogger. The easy reason is that I am busy -- well, I have to admit that it's more an excuse than a reason. The harsher reason is that I am lazy -- it's more true, but still not in-depth enough. I am not a very "public" person. It always amazes me to read the blogs of those who expose every bit of their life and thoughts (if they have any) in the writing. It amazes me so much that I almost feel ashamed, to be so intimate to people's thoughts, especially those I don't know so well. I think there must be a narcissus inside themselves. Besides, I don't want to throw myself into the dilemma between a) writing dishonestly, either in terms of the content or in the tone of expressing the content, and b) dealing with the frustration of nobody understanding me or identifying with me. Last but not least, once I have a blog, I would be like "Oh, this is interesting. I need to write about it in my blog" whenever I see something nice. But the update of my blog never catches up with my seeings and feelings, then they accumulate into a mental burden.

I however don't have the courage of completely abandon my blogs, because I dread that my memory will fade, then I at least have the words and pictures to remember them for me. And in the most unfortunate case that some day I am buried in life bitterness and am at the verge of becoming a cynic or a whiner, I at least have my blogs, to remind me of the days when I am young.